Tanith's Spell Casting Blog
Answers To Life's Daily Dilemmas - 1 |
| Posted by Tanith on Oct 06 2008 at 2:45 PM |
| Tanith's Spell Casting Blog >> Tanith |
I get a lot of emails asking me how to deal with various problems that arise in life, particularly in regards to how other people behave towards us, especially when they hurt us through their words or deeds. Often people come to me for love spells, for this very reason. Love spells are not just for returning a lover into your life, they are also for helping to sort out the communication problems within a relationship too.
In this short series of posts, I will try to answer these queries and hopefully help you just a little in seeing your own way forward to solving life's daily dilemmas in relationships.
This first post tries to answer the question: "What do I do when somebody hurts me with their words, when all I have done is to try to help them? What do I do about getting angry at fools?"
"Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these people is like being mad at a fire because it burns. It is their nature to hurt." [Bodhicharyavatara 6.39]
Not everyone grows up, no matter how old they get. Some people just go around wrecking things, sometimes for the spite of it, sometimes because they are feeling so hurt themselves that they want you to hurt as well. They may be in deep pain, and you just happen to be the nearest and easiest person to hit out at, however much you have tried to help them or guide them. Other times they simply don't understand that they have done any harm. Of course we get upset with them, but young souls like these have not yet reached the place of understanding. Don't take it personally.
If you feel you truly need to censure somebody for their actions, then the first line of wisdom here would be to separate your swift censure from your lasting anger. If you feel the need to discipline a child for example, you do so swiftly, as soon as possible - and then you let go. After a short while it is forgotten by them, and it must be forgotten by you too.
The second line of wisdom would be not to react at all if possible, until you have calmed down yourself. When dealing with people who have written to me and tried to take their hurt and pain out on me, I always like to remember the words of the Sage Shantideva:
"Whenever I wish to move
Or to speak,
First I shall examine my mind,
And firmly act in a suitable way.
Whenever my mind becomes attached
Or angry,
I shall not act, nor shall I speak,
I shall remain like a piece of wood,
Until calmness prevails and my mind
Is clear once again."
Thus I would not write back or respond to somebody until my mind is balanced and calm. If I allow their words to upset me, which I rarely do, then I certainly would not respond until I had let it go, and felt more able to respond with love and compassion. Better yet, do not allow the words of others to upset you in the first place! Remember, it is their pain, not yours, and they are trying to foist the pain upon you, drag you into it with them. And when you try to help others, you will always get this scenario at some stage. If you simply refuse to take that pain, the energy has to go somewhere and it rebounds upon them. Not in a nasty way, you are not deliberately hurting them for they created the negative energies in the first place, but in this way they simply have to deal with it and come out the other side - which is far better for them in the long run.
To engage in destructive speech is never helpful. Think back on your life and count the times that you have changed someone or something for the better through insults and falsehoods. I personally can't think of even one time. But I have changed things for the better even in the midst of fights, by backing off, giving time and space to let all calm down, and then returning to a peaceful and loving dialogue. It is possible to criticise someone lovingly, or state your case with compassion, without foisting your own pain onto them.
Sometimes, somebody we love may be so angry that we cannot get near them without being hurt ourselves. This is what I would call "loving the tiger at a distance". You don't have to be in the enclosure with the tiger who is about to rip you to shreds - you can stand safely outside the enclosure and send it warmth and love! When it is ready, it will accept that love and calm down.
Whether you use the first line of wisdom or the second line of wisdom depends on the situation involved. And your own inner wisdom will tell you which one to choose!
You can find more about my love spells here.
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